Wrong match.

Plain black skirt, blouse, blazer, and a pair of high heels are my typical companion everyday for work. But today, I'll skip all of that. Let me try this floral dress I bought last week from my favorite boutique, plus this pair of pink sandals... Oh! I almost forgot, my favorite yellow purse decorated with laces. He gave this to me before exactly three years now. I hope he remembers.

I looked at myself in the mirror and realized, I finally reached every goal I set for myself. I have everything I dreamed of. Well, except for one. 

I grabbed my car keys and headed towards the door... Then I went back, left my keys on the table and went out. A walk in the park is healthy, right? Besides, a day out from work isn't going to kill anyone. 

Sun, shining so brightly, clear blue sky, plus soothing wind blows, equates to a great day. I missed this. It has been a while.

The last time I walked around here was with him, during midnight. Actually, it was a 'run'. I was wearing a pink long gown I borrowed from my sister and a six-inch heels. he was on his unbuttoned black suit and loosened tie. If my memory serves me right, I think it was after his friend's birthday party. We were running on the street because it was past my curfew.

"Ugh! My heels are killing me!" I sat on the ground gasping for breath then I took those painful shoes off. he looked around only to find out I was steps behind from him. He hurriedly ran back and kissed me on the forehead. "I can't let my princess walk barefooted," I remember him saying with the sweetest smile I have ever seen. Then he lifted me up like a husband carrying his wife after a wedding ceremony - a perfect moment. I clung my arms around his neck and leaned on his chest. It was a ---

"Miss, can I help you with anything? We have vacant seats inside." Look where my feet took me. I'm standing in front of our favorite coffee shop - where we first met, where we first talked, where I said yes. Silly feet, of all places! 

"Miss?" Said the middle-aged lady on an apron with a menu in her left hand, snapping my soul out of dreamland. "Uhh, yes please, I would like a cappuccino." 

I headed towards our favorite spot. Couple of minutes later, my order arrived. This place is still the same. Same chimes on the door, same curtains, same kind of flowers, and same wooden furniture. I took one sip from my coffee then felt the sides of the table... Yes, it's still here. His masterpiece, "Allan and Lucy".

I don't care if people think I'm crazy right now. I just can't stop smiling from the thought of our story. It was here. In this shop, in this table. He was sitting in front of me, looking down straight to his coffee while stirring it slowly. I can never forget that day. Every detail, every word. Everything about the 12th of February.

"Was that a yes?" He said. I only smiled. Then, he started carving our names on the table. "You officially said yes. Now, I declare this table to be our witness." I saw it in his eyes, the authenticity of his smile. And even if it's four years past from now, it still registers clearly in my head. "You have to swear on these carved names that you'll never take your 'yes' back." I could only laugh at his silliness back then, but I swore on it anyway... "I will never take my yes back. Never from you." I promised.

Here, in our favorite place in town, I said my first "I love you". This table as our witness, him as my... Enough. I should go. 

And just right on cue, my secretary called. "Cancel all my meetings," just like that, I hung up. I left money on the table, straightened my dress, and went out of the coffee shop. This place... It gives me so much to remember. I need air.

Eyes on the ground, hands in my pocket, slow, light steps on the sidewalk. I don't really know where I'm going. Maybe going for walk today isn't a good idea for me. 

"Ouch!" a loud shout of a lady made me turn my head up. Next thing I know, she was on her knees, picking apples on the floor then putting them inside a bag. She has golden brown hair and a fair complexion. it was maybe until ten seconds after I came back to my senses that her shout was because of me.

"Sorry miss..." I went down to help her. She just smiled and said it was okay. Oh she's really beautiful. I would date her if I'm a guy!

"Honey?" That voice... "Are you okay?" I felt his steps moving closer. But I'm too afraid to know who's talking. He stepped a little closer and offered his hand to help the lady up. Well, I assume, his girlfriend? Wife? Whatever. 

I stood up by myself, said my apologies again, and turned back. "Lucy?". I'm stunned by that voice. It is such a calm, gentle voice that runs through my skin... The same voice I heard four years ago...

"Lucy please. Don't do this to me."

I don't want to, believe me. But I have to. "Let me see the world, Allan. I'm not ready for this yet. I have a lot of plans for myself. I can't..." I stopped. I couldn't say it. I already hurt him too much, I can't afford to cause him another pain. I placed my hand over his and lightly squeezed it. But he took it off.

"What about our plans?" Hearing those words is like seeing his soul escape from his mouth. I wanted to catch it, but when he looked at me with tears trying not to fall from his eyes and held my shoulders tightly, I knew I couldn't save him from this pain anymore. He has always been my shield, my protector, and this is the first time I'm seeing him so helpless. 

"So I was never included in your plans, huh?" He let go of my shoulders and stepped back. "You are! I only wanted to foc--" His terrifying punch on the wall shut me up. Without facing me, he said, "I get it, okay? Now will you please get out?" Did I hear him right? No, Allan --

His hand over my shoulder brought me back to present. "Lucy is that you?" I can feel his hand's tenderness. Nothing changed. It's still warm and... and I missed it. I closed my eyes, then the first teardrop falls. I wiped it with the back of my right hand and forced to smile before I face him. "Y-yeah."  One word and it took me a whole lot of strength to utter. C'mon Lucy, that was four freaking years ago!

"Long time no see! It's been awhile. By the way, this is my wife, Dianne." Oh. He's married. Great! Just. Great. 

"R-Really? Well, you look perfect together. What can I say, a beautiful wife for a handsome... h-husband!" Then another fake smile. 

He looked at his wife and wrapped his arms around his waist. Look how proud he is to be with her. Maybe if he could shout his feelings for her right now, he will certainly would. Such an envious heart I have. 

As Allan continues telling their love story, my mind is lost on this painful sight. "We met on a party. Right, honey?" The way he looks at Dianne... It's the same way he looks at me four years ago.

The way he holds her hand, as if he will never let her go, the way he talks about her... I can see it in his eyes... It's the same way he talks about me with his friends - with full pride and respect. 

"Hey Lucy, do you know I'm soon to become a father? Dianne's 3 months pregnant!" That's what I just needed to hear to have the courage to leave. In the first place, I don't even know where I got the guts to stand in front of them... or just, in front of him. I can't believe I gave up on this guy. 

"We're going to this cafe, wanna sit and chat?" Sit and chat? I would love to do more than that with you. With you alone. But no, "U-Uhh... Nah, I h-have to go. I have a lot of things to do." 

I waved and turned my back when suddenly I heard him say, "Okay, Philippines' greatest director is too hectic. Haha! We understand. Take care, Lucy!"

It was as if I was shot and paralyzed. The honking cars and noisy people around me seem to disappear in an instant. I could only hear Allan's and Dianne's steps gradually vanishing... Then I turned around. 

This is the second time I watch him walk away. Only now I can't do anything to make him come back. I can't even open my lips and tell him all the stories I wrote and published. Such a disgrace for the Nation's most successful director. You're a disgrace Lucy. I gave up on wanting to be his wife, of building a family with him, of being with him, just to reach this position... To reach my dreams. But until now I don't know if my decision four years ago, was right. 

Today, February 12, is supposed to be our sixth year. I'm wearing my floral dress with my favorite purse, went to our favorite coffee shop, and saw my favorite person outside... With his favorite girl. And realized, yes, we are indeed the perfect example of a wrong match. 

PS: This is a product of my imagination and my imagination, alone.

Same person, different beginning.

Even if we're miles apart, or even if I don't know where exactly you are, I have the feeling of you being near. Of you being just right here. I don't know, maybe because of the thought that somewhere, we're still looking at the same sky, that somewhere, we're still standing on the same ground. That whatever happens, or how many moments may pass, we're still on the same earth. And I gotta admit, these thoughts make me feel good. Somehow, it makes me think that someday, in any circumstance, or in any twist of unpredictability, we will meet again. 

I surrendered our story to fate a very long time ago. And for the first time in my life, I let destiny handle most of my love story. I do now what I think I do best. I keep myself occupied, enough for me to forget about you and us. And I gotta tell you, I think I'm doing pretty well. But, if by any chance, Fate makes its first move and let our roads cross again, I'll pretend nothing happened. 

Yes, I have a lot to tell you: Stories, rants, jokes, questions, but most of all, stories - You know me, I talk a lot. However, when we meet again, I'll act as if it's the first time. I'll act as if we never met on that gate on the 3rd of February. I'll act as if I didn't hear you sing. I'll act as if you never put that gift and that letter on my locker on the 13th of January, a Friday.... I'll act as if I didn't know you. 

Don't get me wrong. I'll do that because I want a fresh start. A freshly baked friendship, maybe? Isn't it a good idea? By that moment, we are already free from hatred, from pain, from everything happened in that almost a year relationship. And by that moment, we will be different people, meeting on a different place (Nicer than gate 3, I hope! Haha) creating a different beginning. Awesome, isn't it? 

So, wherever you are, whatever you may be doing, I still feel you - because we're still on the same earth, breathing the same air. And if we're lucky enough to meet again for the first time, I know, fate will do its magic. 

Same people, creating a new different beginning - I want that. :)